Having a 3 year old.

So, today I finally found myself the time and the courage to sit down with Malia and explain everything.. Having a 3 year old in my life through this entire journey is the best thing I could of been blessed with but also an even bigger challenge.
I'm trying to explain that this disease was intended for good things and not bad. I don't ever want her to look at this as if it's something we hate, or something we are angry at... In her eyes I want to be nothing less than strong and in her eyes, I want her to tell the world a story, but a good one of her childhood.
It's crazy how much she has learned from this, how much she has dealt with and she's only 3 years old. She was always in the restroom with me, running to find a stall and having to stand in a public restroom and not touch a thing.
There were days when she would see me throwing up and hours later we would find her pretending to throw up as well, gagging into her princess toilet and all she ever wanted was to be like mommy. She never knew I was sick or that she wasn't suppose to be doing that, but through this illness she has grown into a mature 3 year old. She knows mommy is sick and she's willing to do anything and everything in her power to help her mommy.
So today we sat down and I thanked her and hugged and told her that Mommy is almost better. You know what her response was? "Mommy, now that you are better can we go to the toy stores and can we go to the beach?" I laughed and my eyes become very watery. Yes, Malia we can go and do anything you want. I'm always going to be here, and I'm sorry I missed your birthday this year because I was sick. She looked at me with her beautiful, big eyes and said, "mommy,
I had the best birthday this year, lots
Of presents, a jumping thingy and cake. Destiny, Issy and Peter were there." She didn't even realize that I had to make it up to her weeks later because I missed the actual day being hospitalized and that killed me. All she knew was that she had a wonderful birthday.. And mommy was there for her.
I even mentioned to her that my bag was coming off and it won't be there in a few weeks, she asked, "Where is it going?" Seriously the cutest response ever. I just said it's going away. Hopefully forever but if not, it's okay.. We will deal with that when the time comes but for now, We will say good-bye and we are going to be happy and mommy is going to be better. She then asked, "Do we still have to go to the doctor?" Yes, Malia but only for a little while and then hopefully mommy won't have to go so much. She said, "Yay!"
Whoosh, am I glad that went well. She handled it so nicely. And here I was freaking out, almost sitting in a puddle . She then grabs my face, kisses me and says "I love you, everything gonna be okay mommy." Where the heck does she get this from? I ran to the bathroom, pretending to wash my face because tears were running down my Cheeks. Thank you God for blessing me with such a beautiful, understanding and smart baby-girl. Malia without you, none of this would have been possible. The strength I have is because of you. One day, this will be past us both and mommy will be able to go to all the toy stores and beach without having to rush to a restroom, or lay in bed all day because she's in pain, or rush to the hospital and leave you for weeks. I love you Malia Renee'. You are my backbone and the heart to my beat.